“To Make My Skin Lighter So Other Kids Will Want to Play With Me …”

“Grandma, I wish I could use some of your make-up to make my skin lighter so other kids will want to play with me,” lamented 5 year-old *Kassidy.  Kassidy is a beautiful African American girl who attended kindergarten this past year in the Research Triangle Area in NC.  She’s the only black girl in her class.  Her mother and I are friends, and a couple of weeks ago, her mother shared this experience with me.  My heart nearly broke into a thousand pieces as I was quickly reminded of my own kindergarten experiences.  I tried desperately to fight back tears, as we were in a public space.  I could only imagine how my friend, as Kassidy’s mother, felt.

This story of racial exclusion and internalized self-hatred is all too familiar.  How is it that a 5-year-old child can go to school every day to learn and come home feeling unworthy because of how others treated her due to the color of her skin?  When she leaves home in the morning, she’s leaving a safe space of warmth and love, she’s leaving parents who value her, and she’s leaving a family who believes her life matters. But when she returns, she comes bearing the weight of how to make her skin lighter so the white kids will play with her.  What happened to this vivacious and inquisitive child, who happens to read on a 4^th grade level, between 7:30 AM and 3:30 PM to make her feel this way?  What did the teachers do?  What did the students do to her? How did they treat her? How are those parents raising their kids? How did she know to attribute her skin color to the reason why the kids won’t play with her? I imagine there’s a lot of racism without racists in that classroom and in the homes of those kids (See Bonilla-Silva).

Kassidy’s experience is not unique.  White youth have a history of being vessels for their parents’ and our society’s racism.  Why do kids of color have to continue to suffer abuse at the hands of some white children? It’s not the 1800s, 1950s or the 1960s.  America, it’s 2015!

Through a follow-up email with Kassidy’s mother, I noticed how she started to blame herself for what has happened. 

“Part of this is my fault,” she said, “because I moved into an affluent part of  *Fairfield County because of test scores. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it.”

The mother, who makes conscientious efforts to surround Kassidy with diverse texts and texts that specifically highlight African American history, added, “I try, but it will never be sufficient.”

I attempted to comfort her by saying, “Don’t blame yourself.  We shouldn’t have to strategize around white supremacy.”

And her response, “Of course I shouldn’t have to strategize [around white supremacy], but that is our reality and our cross to bear as Black Mothers.”

 I’m just gonna leave that right here.

#disruptivepeace #peacemaker #antiracisteducator

*Name changed