In 1922, just before the Great Depression, Langston Hughes
wrote the poem “Mother to Son.” In
this poem, Hughes addresses a letter from a mother to her son warning about the
trials and tribulations that come with life. One can assume that both the mother and son are black based
on the context and language. Undoubtedly, many black mothers have had
to have many conversations with their black sons, preparing them for what it
means to grow up as a black male in America. However, the time has come for a parallel mother to son
narrative: white women raising white boys. Have these words ever been semantically organized like this
before? White women raising white
boys? Do we even think about what it means for white parents to rear white kids
in our racialized America?
As of late, I’ve been thinking more about white parents
raising antiracist kids, and when I received this message from a white female
friend, I asked if I could share it.
I encourage you to read it, and help continue this narrative of white
mothers having conversations with their sons (and daughters, too) about race,
racism, and being antiracist.
These small, teachable moments matter.
From my friend:
Our friend and baby sitter just happens to be
a 26 yr old woman that is black. We have been blessed to have her in our lives
for the last 3 years. She is here every Friday night for date night, Mondays
for tutoring and she was the person with whom I trusted to care for my babies
when [my last child] was born. She stayed with them for days and loved them in
our absence. The kids are always trying to get her to "stay and spend the
night and play!"
She is 26 yrs old and is currently in school
for criminal justice. It's funny because we have never thought anything about
the fact that she happens to be black. One night she stopped me and said [that our
son] *Jesse said something very strange tonight. I was like oh dear...did he
cuss? No he said, "Ms. *Justine, you couldn't live here because all the
black people don't live here."
Well I was in shock and so was Justine. So I
called him downstairs and I said, “Why do you think Ms. Justine can't live
here?” "Because all the black people don't live here." I could have
died because I had no idea where this came from so I prodded him again.
"But, Ms. Justine can live anywhere she
wants to."
He looked at me like I was the dumbest person
on the planet and said, "but MMMOOOOOMMMM, all our friends live down the
street that are black!"
It was a simple observation from a 6yr old
that on our street, all the black people live at the end of the street. Random
observation, but he was correct. She and I just looked at each other because we
as adults thought that he was saying something else. It made me learn a valuable
lesson right then and there. "We" had not mentioned anything like
that ever to him or any of my children. They literally have been raised by all
God’s children. Most of their schoolteachers have been all ethnicities-very few
were white. But it made me aware that they are looking and learning at all
times.
The first time that he commented on someone
on TV being black I just was surprised then too. And again it was a simple
observation over the tv personality being a black man. They had been discussing
this at school that week about people being different colors. My group of
friends that we have been around since living in [mid size city] have always
been very diverse. So my children
have been blessed to have the opportunity to have friends that are black,
Asian, Thai, white and multi-racial as well as gay/lesbian. You should have
heard the convo about the two daddies that I had. Again, dumb mommy.
"*Tim has two daddies" and me
thinking divorced parents cause I didn't understand the convo I say "oh does
he have two mommies too?"
"Nooooo, I told you that he has two
daddies! Gosh mom you don't listen!"
Then it hit me what he was saying. Sometimes
we adults do not listen well and we make more out of things than what it really
is. I have tried to really hear what my kids are saying and react appropriately
to what they say. Justine and I both were quick to think the wrong thing about
what Jesse was saying.
She immediately said when I walked in "I
know this didn't come from your house, but..."
So we both talked about it after the fact of
how quick we are to knee jerk react! However she and I have that kind of
relationship that she can tell me anything and I can ask her anything. I really
wish more people could do this. Talking and really listening can make such a
difference in the world!! … It takes all of us together to make changes!!
#disruptivepeace #peacemaker #antiracisteducator
*Names have been changed.
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